Parenting
Parenting styles differ and what a parent may feel is
important for a child varies from person to person. I have seen many households run by children
and they are anything but stable. It
seems that many modern parents feel that a child should never suffer or
struggle. All the child’s problems are
solved by the parent.
So what’s the child learning? That life should never be a struggle. And
that his or her parents will rescue him or her from all life’s ails. A child
who is constantly rescued by the parent does not learn how to think. Consequently, many adult children who were spoiled
as children are often abusive to the parents, demanding that his or her needs
continue to be satisfied by the parents.
The adult child (ac) will
blame the parent for his or her ailments and demand that the parent “fix” the
problem. The parent, conditioned to save
the ac from pain and suffering will
do whatever is needed to rescue the ac
from the pain. This rescuing robs the ac from learning how to think or solve problems. However, the ac has learned how to “reward” the parent with small doses of
kindness and approval when he or she wins.
A cycle of reward and punishments is created to meet the ac’s needs, the ac lacks respect for the
parents or himself or herself, and is often the victim of relationship abuse,
substance abuse, or both.
Certainly, parenting is difficult and there have been many
challenges throughout time.
For example, during the depression many children learned
that they had to be responsible in order to survive.
http://activerain.com/blogsview/1392208/what-it-meant-to-be-a-child-of-the-depression-erahttp://www.wisebread.com/survival-basics-for-depression-era-kids
Life was hard, but many kids learned to cope with
difficulties.
Conversely, modern kids learn quickly how to manipulate
their parents. Many kids are very
spoiled, and miserable. They have no
struggles; have no need to think about anything but how to satisfy their own
needs. These children are selfish and
disrespectful, but more importantly, they are miserable. They seem to only find joy in having their
own needs met, but then there is always another need, so they are never really
satisfied with anything. They seem to
believe that only their own needs are important and that others only exist to
meet their needs. Many kids do not want
to be responsible for anything other than that which pleases them. There seems to be little meaning or purpose
in their lives and they appear to be miserable most of the time.
It is no wonder there is more drug abuse, crime, and
violence, if children seem to have little purpose or meaning to their
existence, they become apathetic and hateful and only find strong negative
emotions stimulating.
Contrary to rescuing children from any mishap, there are parents
who are aloof and uninterested in their children. The parents may be consumed by some sort of
addiction, drugs, relationships, or work, or just not very interested in being
a parent. Some children of these
parents, strangely enough, seem to learn to survive despite being basically
ignored by the parents. The children
will often be the responsible ones in the home, doing chores, fixing meals, and
making sure their school work is done.
Parenting is a difficult job and a balancing love and
support with structure and boundaries can be a challenge. Children, like adults, seem to function
better when they feel a sense of meaning and purpose in their actions. Children
can do a lot to help others and therefore learn how to find meaning and joy in
life by helping to solve problems and finding purpose in their actions.
Here are some questions to consider:
How can children
become more involved in helping others or developing a skill, rather than glued
to video games or on the phone?
What are some things that children are learning today that
will have an impact on their future?
Are there ways that children can be more involved in
creative actions rather than passive actions?
What are children learning about relationships? For example,
how do they allow others to treat them and how do they treat others?
Here is some interesting information about parenting:
Parenting styles: http://www.positive-parenting-ally.com/parenting-styles.html
Good parenting advice: http://www.loveandlogic.com/t-parents.aspx
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