For many
people blame and shame were strong elements in their childhood. Consequently, they were conditioned to think
a certain way and that thinking pattern carries on today. Both blame and shame can become habitual and
tear away at our lives. The result is
often magnified by other bad habits such as drinking, drugs, hoarding, and
impulsive behavior.
To understand more about how these emotions
play out in our lives, let’s discuss them further.
We’ll
start with blame.
http://ts4.mm.bing.net/th?id=H.4526935416834375&w=165&h=179&c=7&rs=1&pid=1.7
Blaming
others can create a bitter attitude.
However, be aware that others DO NOT upset you, you upset yourself and
rather than take responsibility for your upset, you blame others. It is a vicious cycle and you will become
cynical and angry.
One
person cannot change another. You must
do what you need to do without trying to change someone else. Acceptance of the situation will allow you to
own your own actions and make changes for yourself. Be responsible for your own
emotions and do not use blame to try to control another.
If you
are on the other end and feeling blamed then you are allowing someone else to
make you feel responsible for their emotions. Dr.
Jordan reports that being a victim of a loved one’s blame leads to
self-blame and feelings of guilt. You don’t
have to take the bait. Instead consider
what you need to do to make yourself a productive, powerful person in your own
life. If both partners agreed to ending blame and
chronic criticism just think what could happen! You can read more about how
this is done at this site.
Blame
(someone else is wrong) Shame (I am wrong).
Shame, branches out into whole new territories of not only feeling
responsible, but often, feeling like a total waste as a human. Shame
indicates that not only has one done something not intended, but has somehow
accidentally fallen into a pattern of doing something so against what one would
have done, consciously, if the choice had been given. http://www.wizardrealm.com/Galadriel/guilt.html
Jan Luckingham Fable Writes: Shamed people build defenses to
protect themselves from feeling completely overwhelmed all the time. She also notes that in order to undo shame,
therapy can be helpful, as shame acts to isolate a person from functioning in
life, for fear of doing something wrong- again.
Guilt
Guilt (and its
relations, shame and blame) have been a plague that has cost humanity untold
pain, suffering and despair. They've too often caused us to feel bad about
ourselves and to do less than our best.
http://www.processcoaching.com/judgment.html
A short
writing by: M.Farouk Radwan, MSc
When my
mobile loses more than 90% of its battery it keeps flashing every now and then
to notify me that it needs to be recharged. When my car’s fuel tank is about to
become empty an orange light appears in order to notify me that the fuel is
about to run out. When my body's food supply is about to run out my body
notifies me via the feeling of hunger.
And when
I violate my strongest values my mind sends me a message of disapproval telling
me that I shouldn't have done so, that message is called Guilt.
Just like
any other emotion, the feeling of guilt is just a message that is sent to you
in order to motivate you to take an action to resolve a problem that resulted
from violating one of your values.
Doug Kelley
writes: If there is any good
to guilt at all, it is and should be short-lived. For instance, when we do
something wrong, our conscience rebukes us. This initial stage is the only
beneficial aspect to guilt, since it prompts us to realize our mistake and make
the necessary changes.
Healthy people use self-chastisement to
steer themselves back on course. They learn the lesson, make amends, modify
their behavior, lose the guilt, and move on with life. The problem is that few
people can actually do this. It seems that just about everyone feels the pain
of guilt over something they have done, or should have done. And where does it
get them? Absolutely nowhere.
Catherine
Pratt writes: It’s very draining and distressing living with a constant feeling
of guilt. It also stops you from making the most effective and efficient
decisions. In other words, you’ll end up making bad decisions simply because
you’re reacting to those feelings of guilt or it's all you think about.
So, where
does guilt really come from and what causes it? And, how do we deal with
feeling guilty all of the time?
I think
feeling guilty comes down to basically 7 main reasons and
usually you'll be dealing with not just one of these but actually a combination
of them.
Read more: http://www.life-with-confidence.com/deal-with-feeling-guilty.html#ixzz2o73uSvkV
Read more: http://www.life-with-confidence.com/deal-with-feeling-guilty.html#ixzz2o73uSvkV
Cures for blame,
shame and guilt:
Exercise,
meditation and medication can help relieve the painful feelings.
Chemical
imbalances in the brain can be modified by medication:
Read more about
bad habits of the mind: http://www.teacherneedhelp.com/badhabitsofmind/
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