Relationship BS

Relationships

You CANNOT have a relationship with BS> Blame and Shame.

You cannot have a relationship with yourself when you have bs talk going on in your head.

The thought process of bs would be something like: I am no good. I should be doing better. I should help others, or I should be doing better in some way. I blame myself for failing. I am full of shame that I am not a better person.  I should be able to do better, solve more problems, and help others more. Things are not working and it must be my fault.  You know what comes next: Depression and the negative thoughts create a spiral that continues to wind you down.

You cannot have a relationship with others when bs dominates the relationship.  When you blame others or others blame you emotional pain rises and prevents effective communication from taking place. Also, relentlessly shaming others for their behavior will grind a relationship to dust.  We are humans and therefore fallible.  Shaming another may make him or her feel worthless, but it may not help him or her perform better. Authentic encouragement can go a long way in helping others to function better.   If you fake encouragement, eventually the other will catch on that you are merely manipulating to get your way and you may find that your efforts are resented.

So what is the option?

Demonstrate what you want.  If you want love then be loving, if you want hard work then demonstrate the results of working hard.

Here is an example; if you are in a boat paddling with someone else and you are a better oarsman then the person you are with, show him or her how to paddle rather than criticize what he or she is not doing.

 Instead of wallowing in the bs, think of what needs to be done and how to do it.  There is a lot of time and effort wasted in finding fault.  We all have issues! We are all problematic in some way. What can you DO. How can YOU help? Go forward.  Talk to yourself about what you can do and if you are in a relationship with someone else, how can you BOTH put in more effort? Working together is a powerful way to avert bs that creeps in to any relationship.  Don’t give the bs power.  Instead, be a powerful person.