55 and still alive

Hey I have turned 55 and I am still here!!

Year after year I have survived to learn, grow, but I don’t always understand.

I like the song by Joni Mitchell, Both Sides Now.  She notes that she

 really doesn't know life at all.

I don’t know that life is every actually understood.

But it is an interesting trip. Wouldn't you agree?

I think life can be so amazing and I am thankful for many miracles in my life.

 And I have learned many things through my work with other people.

 I have seen people survive many things.

The human spirit is an amazing thing.

Always look at the miracles before engaging in the negative mindset.

We are all here, doing this thing called life to the best of our ability.

Be thankful for just being here.

 It is a short journey and a lifetime is not enough to experience everything.

So go out and do something nice for someone and be thankful for the trip called life.

Struggle

Life is a struggle. Life is very difficult at times, and trying to avoid the struggle can make things worse.  When one can overcome life’s challenges or learn to cope with them, then peace follows.  However, there seems to be a growing belief that everyone should be happy and that life should be easy.  Magazines depict happy people, websites show joyful couples, and one is “supposed” to smile when one is in public, lest someone think there is something “wrong” with you and therefore you will need therapy to set straight and get you smiling again.  Overall, we do not like suffering and many avoid the challenges of life.

Coping phrase: Do your best and forget the rest.

If you work hard to do your best and go forward then the challenges can be overcome.

My belief: People that learn to survive through struggle can transform their lives.

I like the analogy of the butterfly story and use butterflies on my business cards to remind myself and others that struggle is a part of life and that it can help us to create a transformation in ourselves if we keep working at it.  If we give up we become debilitated and spin in negative thought.

Here are a few versions of the butterfly story.  I note at the bottom that scientifically this is not always the case, but I still like the story and I think it provides a good analogy to human suffering…it is just necessary for growth.

Christian version: http://butterflystory.homestead.com/

http://www.joyfuldays.com/the-struggle-is-necessary/

Bipolar: http://www.thrivewithbipolardisorder.com/?p=3902

Scientific Fact: This is not always the case. 

 Posted by kcclark z6 OH (My Page) on 

Mon, Dec 15, 08 at 16:18

http://forums.gardenweb.com/forums/load/butterfly/msg1217121623154.html

Relationship BS

Relationships

You CANNOT have a relationship with BS> Blame and Shame.

You cannot have a relationship with yourself when you have bs talk going on in your head.

The thought process of bs would be something like: I am no good. I should be doing better. I should help others, or I should be doing better in some way. I blame myself for failing. I am full of shame that I am not a better person.  I should be able to do better, solve more problems, and help others more. Things are not working and it must be my fault.  You know what comes next: Depression and the negative thoughts create a spiral that continues to wind you down.

You cannot have a relationship with others when bs dominates the relationship.  When you blame others or others blame you emotional pain rises and prevents effective communication from taking place. Also, relentlessly shaming others for their behavior will grind a relationship to dust.  We are humans and therefore fallible.  Shaming another may make him or her feel worthless, but it may not help him or her perform better. Authentic encouragement can go a long way in helping others to function better.   If you fake encouragement, eventually the other will catch on that you are merely manipulating to get your way and you may find that your efforts are resented.

So what is the option?

Demonstrate what you want.  If you want love then be loving, if you want hard work then demonstrate the results of working hard.

Here is an example; if you are in a boat paddling with someone else and you are a better oarsman then the person you are with, show him or her how to paddle rather than criticize what he or she is not doing.

 Instead of wallowing in the bs, think of what needs to be done and how to do it.  There is a lot of time and effort wasted in finding fault.  We all have issues! We are all problematic in some way. What can you DO. How can YOU help? Go forward.  Talk to yourself about what you can do and if you are in a relationship with someone else, how can you BOTH put in more effort? Working together is a powerful way to avert bs that creeps in to any relationship.  Don’t give the bs power.  Instead, be a powerful person. 

Depression Session

11/18/2013

Depression Session;

Depression: affirms the negative, enforces hopelessness and helplessness, encourages a defeatist attitude, and robs a person of ability, often leaving them feeling debilitated and worthless, unable to function, unwilling to try to figure out a better way.

However, it can also encourage a humble attitude and help to direct and re-frame one’s thinking.

When a person is able to pull out of depression, he or she is then able to see that it is not the situation so much as he or she looks at the situation.

Who is prone to depression?

Often very sensitive people, who are caring, giving, and loving sorts that expect life will give back to them the peace and harmony that they feel they resonate towards others.  When life crashes- and things do not go as they expect, depression sets in. 

Wouldn't it be nice for people to work together and care for one another? Wouldn't it be nice to eliminate suffering and live in harmony with all life forms?

Conflict is a way of life and all people must learn how to cope with opposing forces, whether it is a person, or the weather.  We will all struggle at some point in life.

How to get through this without getting crushed?

Perception- Change your perception of how you look at the challenge and step by step you WILL begin to make some changes and little by little things get better.

Ego demands that things must be this way or that. Be with what is in the moment, right now, what is going on? BE HERE NOW…so no regrets and at the moment focus on what you can do not what you can’t do. 

The negative thoughts have great power to pull a person into a fear-based-thought process.  Fear is the precursor to anger and then there is another mess to deal with.

Do something for someone else and rejoice in one thing..just for today.

"We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses."  —Abraham Lincoln

From:  experience@oprahdeepakmeditation.com 

Belief, Hope, Determination

If I could, I would take depression away from the planet. It destroys people from the inside out. So here are a couple of quotes:

You have done what you could;
some blunders and absurdities crept in;
forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day;
you shall begin it serenely
and with too high a spirit
to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
Ralph Waldo Emerson


Promise me
you'll always remember:
You're braver than you believe,
and stronger than you seem,
and smarter than you think.
Christopher Robin to Pooh

No Matter What

Each day we must get up and show up.

Advice from the Dalai Lama

When the(spiritual) teachings say we need to reduce our fascination with the things of this life, it does not mean that we should abandon them completely. It means avoiding the natural tendency to go from elation to depression in reaction to life’s ups and downs, jumping for joy when you have some success, or wanting to jump out the window if you do not get what you want. Being less concerned about the affairs of this life means assuming its ups and downs with a broad and stable mind. Excerpt from His Holiness the Dalai Lama in On the Path to Enlightenment: Heart Advice from the Great Tibetan Masters

Science and thought stuff in a video

http://www.youtube.com/v/62ennsSjNws?version=3&autohide=1&autoplay=1&feature=share&attribution_tag=AzxXWV124q-uIKnXWL17gA&showinfo=1&autohide=1